Widows of the world unite

by PAULA DAVIES
THERE is a ghastly tele vision series called The Very Merry Widow in which a talented actress is called upon to play one of the classic women's roles—the idiot female for whom everything works out well despite her crass stupidity.
Some people seem to find it funny, Genuine widows must find it infuriating, although those with a sense of humour will dismiss the title as being irrelevant and shrug off the unreality with a laugh.
These are the real merry widows who provide an example to others in the same state and give a zest to the life of all their friends, widowed or not.
There are not many widows like this. Most women seem to regard widowhood as the uiti mate misery and a few are never able to climb out of their morass of self-pity. The merry widows are different. I have only met three in my life.
One is my mother. who was delighted when a young hippy described her as "a game old bird." She seems to get a kick out of life whatever the kicks it has meted out to her.
Mother is a crippled old woman who was always worth visiting even for a youngster of 19, and although I've lost touch with her now, Mrs. Foster was an unforgettable character, full of humour. tolerance and with an abiding interest in life.
The other I met only recently and she happens to be chairwoman of the Catholic Association of Widows. Each of these women is a totally different character, but What they have in common is the gift of acceptance and a contented spirit. They are happy people.
"I have to stop rushing and think sometimes, but that's What keeps me young."
Magdalen Proctor is almost 80 but has the energy of someone half her age. Thirty years' work with the Catholic Children's Society. a lifetime of mental hospital visiting and helping to establish the Catholic Association of Widows hasn't diminished that energy one bit,
Small and comfortable-looking she is a relaxed person who takes what comes — including myself — with an easy acceptance, "I don't want you to write all sorts of things about me," she said. "Can't you write about all the others who have done so much more than I have?"
She even suggested I write about her committees who have helped her, but was willing to accept that the achievements of one person make better reading than any amount of committees. "I suppose I must," she said, and added carefully, "I pray every day to be shown God's will for that day and then try to accept what happens. If you pray for that you can't go too far wrong, can you?" she asked in a tone which was a trifle unsure about accepting the fact that I was her cross for that day.
There is nothing of the "pi" old lady about Mrs. Proctor, for the next essential to prayer which she finds vital for making life bearable is a sense of humour, "It's another way of keeping young," she said. "You don't take yourself too seriously."
She does take her work seriously, however, although she admits with cheery honesty that she does most of it because she gets a kick out of making people happy.
You don't need to do big things for others," she said. "People seem to think it's necessary to do great things when the small things will do just as well."
One of the small things she has been occupying herself with for the last six years is the chairmanship of the Catholic Association of Widows in both the Westminster and the Southwark dioceses.
A widow herself since 1955, she was described by her son, a priest, as one of the original "merry widows." And he thinks she should send out brochures entitled Merry Widows in Christ to any interested parties. There are about 200 members in Westminster alone and be
tween 45 and 50 attend the monthly meetings.
Mrs. Proctor believes the numbers would be much higher if more widows knew about the association. If they live too far away or lack of money or even ill-health prevents them from coming to meetings there is a newsletter to keep them informed.
The association isn't just to enable a crowd of women to talk to others in the same boat, although that must be an important aspect. It also gives widows a chance to keep themselves informed about all kinds of things, and speakers come to give talks on subjects which range far and wide to include local government and even abortion.
"We can't help widows with money," said Mrs. Proctor. "We have no money, but we do try to show them that they are not alone. We try to get them out of themselves. When they first come to a meeting and start talking they realise that they are not the only ones."
Once having realised that, the widows might also find that not all the members are Catholics. The title of the association was chosen carefully so that it means catholic in the widest sense rather than sectarian. With typical openheartedness Mrs. Proctor added that women who are separated or even divorced would be welcome. "They are almost widows," she said, "and need a helping hand just like the rest of us."
Anxious to extend that helping hand to everyone the assoelation is sending a letter to the Pope telling him about their plan to say a prayer every morning for the difficulties now besetting the Church.
"We hope that people everywhere, but especially widows all over the world, will join us in saying a short prayer every morning for the Holy Father and for the lapsed and rebel priests.
"You will put that in, won't you?" asked Mrs, Proctor, depressed by the thought of seeing herself portrayed, but willing to accept the fact, if she could put across something of real value, not merely herself. You have done both. Mrs. Proctor.
Art lecturer retires
MR. Lestocq de Castelnau Bucher, Principal Lecturer in Art and head of the Department, of St. Mary's College, Strawberry Hill, retired in July after 34 years' service at the college.
Mr. Bucher is a well-known authority on art. His book. "The Teaching of Art," published in 1956 and re-issued in 1968, is still used by teachers as a standard manual.
On his retirement, Mr. Bucher was made a Knight of the Order of Pope St. Sylvester. The award was conferred by the Principal of the College, Fr. Kevin Gronin, C.M., who also retired in July after 34 years service.