What are the differences?

Even severely disabled people can bring up children, reports Billy McKenna
WHAT IS THE first thing you think of when you hear about disability or disabled people? You probably pity the person and give thanks that you aren't in that person's shoes. Few of us will think about what we have in common with disabled people. Fewer still would contemplate disabled people forming close relationships. And as for disability and sexuality, they should not be mentioned in the same breath.
This point of view is not shared by disabled people. People First is a charity run by people with learning difficulties for people with learning difficulties (previously mental handicap). It is one of the few disability organisations which is managed by those people it supports. As such it has a Powerful, unique voice which must be heard.
Like everyone, disabled people need to be taught about relationships and sex. People First produces its own educational material on this subject. A booklet and tape entitled *Everything you ever wanted to know about sex... but nobody ever bothered to tell you! explains the basic facts about sex in accessible language.
Disabled people have a right to experience close rela
tionships and express their sexuality within the context of a marriage. When one senior manager of a disability organisation was asked how important sex was for disabled people, she replied: "How important is sex for most people? In terms of personal sexual identity and behaviour, sex is a primary need. 'There is nothing to suggest that disabled people are different."
There are as many disabilities as there are disabled people. Each person deals with their disability in their own individual way, and similarly has individual needs in forming relationships and expressing their sexuality. Some will be capable of maintaining full relationships and marriage.
Important questions arise because people with disabilities can make these decisions about their lives. If a baby is born to a disabled couple, who will look after it?
Julia Gates is a case in point. Julia is a young deafblind woman who gave birth to a daughter in February this year. She was the subject of a Channel 4 documentary which was broadcast at the end of May.
The programme questioned whether Julia was capable of looking after her child. The overwhelming answer was yes, provided she was given appropriate support. Some people do not have Julia's gifts and would be unable to look after a baby. What should be done in these circumstances? It is wrong to prevent two people who care for each other having a close relationship, but is it right for them to .produce a child they cannot look after? Is enforced sterilisation really an option in a civilised society?
Adults with disabilities nay make their own decisions about their sexuality. Young disabled people stir up different emotions.
The time of a child's burgeoning sexuality and increasing independence has traditionally been a period of conflict and heightened tensions within a family. Parents of some young disabled people have the added worry that their sons and daughters are emotionally and sexually vulnerable.
"You are aware on the one hand that they may be exploited, but also on the other hand you do have to cope with their expression of this sexuality," said one parent. Another spoke frankly about the worries she has for her severely disabled 30-yearold daughter. "She couldn't go through with a pregnancy," said her mother, "and sterilisation or abortion would be a horrendous thing to subject her to. There are real concerns whether we ought to have her sterilised. I don't think we should, but I know some parents who have."
The issue of disability and
personal relationships deserves careful consideration. Questions on pregnancy and whether disabled people can make .a decision even if they do not fully understand the consequences of their actions need to be discussed. But we do a disservice to ourselves and to disabled people by denying their right to form intimate relationships with partners of their choosing.
The People First booklet, Everything you ever wanted to know about sex..., advises its readers with learning difficulties to seek advice and support when forming a relationship.
It says: "A good person to talk to is a person who listens to us, helping us to understand and who allows us the same rights as everyone. A bad person to talk to is a person who does not believe we have the same rights to enjoy sex as everyone else." Would you say you were good or bad?