A woman speaks out on the Rights and Vatican declaration godparents

The Vatican's latest declaration on sexual ethics certainly achieved its final request, in that it stimulated at least one person to reflect. But I doubt if the reflections it stimulated in me would please the authors.
I was yet again made aware of the basic lack of understanding of matters relating to sex. and of Its psychological and emotional roots. so often shown by the Vatican's directives.
This renewed awareness led my thoughts on to issues not raised in this declaration, but which are all inextricably interwoven parts of human sexual relationship, and therefore form a relevant part of my personal reflections.
The qualification I claim in writing this is that of experience. From nine years of marriage I know the joys and sufferings, the trials and rewards of committing my life to loving and being loyal to my husband, and to motherhood, From teaching religion to modern teenagers as a qualified divinity teacher, I know the bewilderment. lack of purpose and of guidance these poor children suffer.
My reaction to this declaration was admirably summed up by Mr St John-Stevas when he said the Church was offering the people a stone instead of bread, In these days when our young people are subjected to a bombardment of examples of the misuse of sex for commercial gain or mere sensationalism through the Press, television and films, where are they to turn for guidance?
In many cases parents are too busy out at work or seeking entertainment or just watching televisism, to spare any time for guiding their children. In most cases "sex education" consists of talks on the dangers of contracting VD or on the use of contraceptives. Where do our young look to learn of the true meaning and value of the God-given relationship between man and woman which can only be fully expressed in marriage?
In all the almost unintelligible verbiage of their latest declaration, the Church leaders have done nothing to deepen anyone's understanding of sexual relationships. They write of the "unbridled exaltation of sex" in society. I have yet to witness this! Debasement of sex seems to be more apparent today. The Church leaders could perhaps begin to "exalt" or, in other words, to dignify and ennoble this relationship between man and woman.
Wittingly or not, they give the impression that they believe marriage to he merely a legalisation of impulses which it is really more worthy to suppress in celibacy or virginity — summed up by the quotation (used out of context) by Si Paul "it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion".
What a grudging view of that most beautiful and unselfish of human relationships! No celibate theologian can begin to understand the full meaning of what the marriage relationship entails.
The impression given by the Church leaders here, and in other statements concerning various aspects of marriage is that the physical pleasure derived from the art of love is all there is to this expression of love and commitment between two human beings. The young can hardly be blamed for over-emphasising the physical pleasure of sexual relationship if such an impression is given by our spiritual leaders. How many times in a marriage
founded on real love does one partner give him or herself to the other knowing that, on this occasion. there is going to he no personal physical pleasure — but gains the joy of providing unselfishly for a need in the other, and also the joy of simply expressing this intimate relationship between the two of them?
The lack or understanding of the art of love in marriage on the part of the Church Is shown in its attitude It) that importunt and necessary part of marriage. responsible parenthood. shown by its rather strange decision that reducing thls relationship to a matter of mathematical calculation is a more Moral form of birth-control than any other, Our young need to he made fully aware of the rewards and joys of keeping the gift of oneself in the act of love to express fully a special relationship between oneself and one's chosen partner, in a faithful. unique partnership, before they can begin to understand what marriage
is ell about.
Only then. when they can appreciate what they lose irretrievably in "casual" sexual relationships, can the young begin to value marriage as the deepest, most emotionally satisfying way of expressing sexual love. This is obvious.
The sad thing is that directives issuing from the Church do little to help. Always the basic lack of understanding of what sex is all about is shown by merely condemning sex outside marriage, which no one with high moral ideals is arguing about, but all the deep emotional and psychological reasons attached to this are left unmentioned and unexplained. If the Church leaders had a real understanding of the deep security and fulfilment given by a loving, committed giving of one to another in marriage, they would be better able to appreciate and speak of the great loss involved in settling for second best in casual relationships, or in betraying one's partner — and would also lead them to better understanding of how great is the need for love and companionship of those who. through no fault of their own. were born not able to be attracted by the opposite sex, as the majority of us are. but are drawn to members of their own sex.
It is unfortunate enough in any circumstance in this world to belong to a minority group: it is totally lacking in sympathy and love to add a teeling of guilt to the burden.
Reading over this it would appear that I am advocating married priests! This might be a starting point in making the voice of the Church a more convincing one when it approaches the problems of living in real-life situations where experience is of inestimably greater value than theory.
At least let those who speak out on these matters allow themselves to pay heed to those who can speak from experience. and also to the science of psychology. The need for meaningful, convincing guidance in today's society is urgent. Surely we do not have to wait a couple of hundred years for the Church leaders to come abreast with the problems of living in this century? (Mrs) E. M. Carrier 3 Oldfield Close, Little Chalfont, Buckinghamshire.
May I make an analogy about the adverse remarks on the Vatican Declaration on sexual ethics?
When a young couple are preparing to buy a house, they have to consult a solicitor, a building society and probably an estate agent. As far as I know they are not allowed to move in six months before they sign the contract, in order to find out whether they like the view or not. Nothing is more legalistic than our present system of traffic lights, yet we disobey it at our peril. A uniform shade of mauve would be pretty and prevent everyone from considering anyone's convenience except their own. The resulting loss of life, and damage to cars, would show the error of such a liberal attitude.
Why can human beings accept objective norms in all areas other than the Divine Laws of Morality?
At the moment of death it will he God who judges us — not His insubordinates.
(Mrs) Ethos Cunningham
20 Holmesdale Avenue, East Sheen,
London SWI4.
spent most of Sunday reading the Declaration on sexual ethics issued by the Vatican and find it a most elevating document written with great dignity.
It gives me joy to know that I have been given the faith to belong to the Catholic Church, which alone among Christian Churches has the wisdom and courage to speak with authority in such a tempestuous world.
This document is a beacon which must inspire all of us who seek sanctity.
(Mrs) Stella M. M. Stirzaker 21 Queen's Walk.
London, W.5