Lives remembered: Pamela Sandilands, the Dowager Lady Torphichen

8 May 2009

Pamela Sandilands, the Dowager Lady Torphichen, was born on July 11 1920. She died on March 20 2009, aged 88.

Pamela (née Howard-Snow) was the widow of James Bruce Sandilands, 14th Lord Torphichen, writes Selwyn Hodson Pressinger.

Both her mother and only brother died during her childhood. Her father, a company director and chemical engineer, then became ill, resulting in Pamela being looked after by her aunt and uncle.

She went to school at the Convent (The Old Palace) at Mayfield, Sussex, and then entered the Royal Academy of Music, where she obtained her LRAM degree in piano, singing, and composition.

She then trained with the Red Cross and became a VAD (member of Voluntary Aid Detachment) serving with the Royal Navy in the last years of the Second World War. With war over she joined the Young Conservatives and was elected a Borough Councillor for Hampstead before eventually marrying Thomas Philip Hodson Pressinger (a former RAF officer) in Rome in 1950 in the church of San Silvestro. Sadness struck Pamela again with the sudden death of her husband.

Ten years passed before Pamela became reacquainted with an old friend, James Bruce Sandilands.

The two had become friends years before while he was an undergraduate at Oxford. James had married (the marriage was annulled) and had two grown-up children. He later became a Catholic. Pamela and James had their wedding in America, where he was a history professor. The death of James's father forced James and Pamela to return to Britain to look after the Sandilands' family seat Calder, a castle built in the 1300s. Among the past visitors to Calder were the Protestant preacher John Knox in the 16th century and the composer Chopin in the 19th.

James's family had ancient links with the Hospitaller Order of St John (Order of Malta), an organisation which was familiar to Pamela. On becoming widowed on the first and second occasions she had involved herself with helping the sick at Lourdes with the members of the Order of Malta.

In 1990 she was elected a Companion of the Order of Malta (Delegation of Scotland). Pamela was president of the Ladies of Charity of St Vincent de Paul (Westminster division).

She was involved with Aid to the Church in Need, the Catholic Prisoners Aid Society, and the Hospital of St John and Elizabeth in St John's Wood.

She supported the Latin Mass Society and the Catholic Union of Great Britain.

As a fellow of the Composers' Guild of Great Britain and the British Academy of Composers and Songwriters, she wrote music, in 1988, to Irina Ratushinskays's "Song of Freedom". Among her Russian friends was Svetlana Alliluyeva, Joseph Stalin's daughter. In 1996 Pamela was honoured as Catholic Woman of the Year in recognition of her charity work. Then three years later Pamela experienced a stroke that left her almost totally paralysed.

She showed great fortitude and was looked after by her son and daughter and young carers.

On April 8 her Requiem Mass was held at the Brompton Oratory. Tributes were given by two family friends: the Oscar-winner Julian Fellowes and the Viscount Monckton of Brenchley. They paid their respects to a lady who faced her situation with good humour, serenity and unwavering Christian faith.