JAMES CAFFERY, the Birmingham headmaster who commendably uncovered the links between Comic Relief and the Marie Stopes organisation, is more than a little puzzled by the scribblings of "Benchmark", an anonymously-penned column in the Leeds diocesan paper, the Catholic Post.
Rather than thanking Mr Caffery, in a recent offering Benchmark inexplicably describes his campaign as a "cautionary tale" and suggests that if Catholics boycott Red Nose Day then they might as well not raise money for hospitals, which perform abortions, or possess a bank account or pension, which are often tied up with arms manufacturers and other nasties. "It's very disappointing," is Mr Caffery's reply. "I had a lot of letters of support. I don't want the children to have fun raising money for abortions in Africa.
"If we can't back the Holy Father's teaching then I think things have reached a bad state."
Quite so. And the author of the offending column might be interested to learn the name of the priest whose brave stand at a public meeting in Essex in 1935 persuaded Barking Council not to allow one Dr Marie Stopes whose outfit was originally named the Society for Constructive Birth Control and Racial Purity — to open one of her clinics. It was Fr John Cannel Heenan, who was consecrated Bishop of Leeds in 1951 and later Cardinal Archbishop of Westminster.
QUESTION: What does a certain sort of Catholic priest do when he wants a glass of wine? Answer: He passes his empty glass to a junior priest or to the nearest woman.
This happened recently to a ladyfriend at an important bash at Archbishop's House, Westminster. Greeting one senior cleric she was handed his empty glass. The one next to him passed his empty glass to a young curate. Charming.
LAMB'S PASSAGE prides itself on being first with the story (well at least some of the time), so I am chuffed to bits to be able to reveal the name of the next pope. (And no, I haven't been gazing into my crystal ball or smoking suspect herbs.) The fourth of July — Independence Day — will this year take on extra significance when one Fr Lucian Pulvermacher, an 80-yearold former Capuchin, will be "consecrated" Pope Pius XIII. Yes, really.
His breakaway sect has all the hallmarks of the go-it-alone survivalists who populate the Wild West. They are based in Montana, use the Internet as their primary communications tool and rail against the evils of the United Nations, a "godless monster". The Church has not been the same since the death of Pius XII in 1958, Vati can II was "bogus" nil all Christian denominations — saw for old Fr Lucian's — are "Churches of Satan". Actual popesake John XXIII, are, of course,'`antipcp•es".
We can take some oinfort, however, from our nev pope's website, www.truecatrolicarg where we are invited o contact him for further biographic) details and are offered the testimely of hs dear old mum. Ma Pulvernacher, i _girlish 102, "can be approached by anyone who desires tc/o so" She must be so prod of her bay.
I HAVE three copies of .set oftw-vo videos to give away Wray lucry readers. The first, A 11'i1lennium Tribute for John Paul 1, is a a, cumentary examining dvearly ire of Karol Wojtyla. The world, Tle Holy Rosary, features Wm Paul II reciting the Rosary at It Patrkk's Cathedral, New York try. In orlder to claim one of these fist-rate prizes, answer the folhving strzple question: In which Posit tows was the Pope born? Send ycdr anwer on a postcard marked 'Rosary video", or e-mail me at-he odip-ess below
MARTIN MAFFPRELATE marprelate011 otmal–com